Children behaviour is a reaction to their environment. The way people around them respond to their needs will affect the way they feel heard, seen, safe, understood and validated. When we find a behaviour challenging, the key to creating a change is to start by changing our approach.
It is not always easy to accept, as often we have to deal with our own unmet needs which can make us highly reactive and easily triggered, but for our child to change we have to change first.
If you would like to learn how to parent effectively with more calm, positive and flexible approach, get in touch.
Children are always in the process of learning, and the way we choose to respond to challenging behaviour and push back will set the tone, not only for the relationship we will have with them long-term, but also for their future relationships.
If we want your child to learn to develop healthy relationships, built on trust, kindness, good communication, respect, accountability, and connection, we have to model it first.
It starts with us ❤️
If you feel stuck in a cycle of conflicts and frustrations and would like some guidance to shift it to a more peaceful and calm relationship, get it touch.
Children's big feelings are like huge waves for someone who is just learning to swim.
Telling them off for having a meltdown or for being angry isn't helping them. And instead of teaching them how to manage their own emotions it teaches them to manage their carer's emotions.
Just like if you see someone drowning you would not shout at them or tell them: stop drowning, if you had listened to me you wouldn't be drowning, I told you not to drown, I don't have time for you drowning,.. .
Instead you would be trying to help the person keep their head above the water, help them ride the waves, guide them back to shore where it is safe, help them find their breath, give them a minute to recover before addressing what caused the person to be caught in big waves, what to do and how to swim better to reduce the risk in the future.
Children with big emotions are just the same, they are drowning in their feelings, overwhelmed by their emotions and need help to get back to a calm place. They need help to learn what to do when start feeling overwhelmed, how to navigate theses big feelings and guidance to help them develop emotional awareness and healthy coping mechanism to reduce and eventually prevent emotional overflow.
And just like you can't help someone drowning if your are struggling yourself, you can't help a child calm down if you are not calm whitin yourself first.
To learn more about how to be a calmer parent get in touch